She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
