GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
