What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
