my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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