apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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