What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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