It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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