I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
