you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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