Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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