When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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