Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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