My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
