I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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