So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
