on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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