we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh god it's open bar.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
