I never want to see another naked old woman again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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