hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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