I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You took a bar mat shot.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
