I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
