I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
