Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
