But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
