toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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