so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
