i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
