WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
