Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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