im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
