It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
