he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
