bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize