Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Come on in and take your pants off
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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