he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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