if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
