I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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