Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
