Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
