I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
