Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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