I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
