...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize