maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
