alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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