he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
