I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
