Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
