Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
