There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
