So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize