come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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