Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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