I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
