She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
