But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
