Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
