weddingsv make me drug and hornr
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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