I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize