I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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