In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
