i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
