I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
