This is not my ceiling
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
