ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
