I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
