We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
