i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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