I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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