hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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