She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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