he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
