I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
