I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
