Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
birth control should be required to get into college
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
