sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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