I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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