There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
