I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
