it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
