ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
