Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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