I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
