You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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